It was thoughtful to include a chronic masturbator in Assassin’s Creed so players have a character they can relate to.
#6. Assassin’s Creed III: Connor Kenway, Compulsive Masturbator
One of the glossed-over parts of the Assassin’s Creed series is that, since the present-time main character, Desmond Miles, is living out his ancestors’ experiences through a big sci-fi machine, it means he has to see everything. Even their very public “displays of affection.”
You see, there’s a disturbingly common glitch (as in it’s happened to more than one person) where it seems that Connor Kenway, Desmond’s great-great-something-or-another, is apparently overtaken by the stresses of being an assassin in Colonial America and just starts jacking it wherever he may be.
Or, if you’re Morgan Freeman in Se7en, deal with a goddamn severed-head-in-a-box situation.
Realistic Harlem Shake
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